Happy Sunday

Thank you God!

Thank you for knowing how much MORE thankful I SHOULD be, and still loving me just as much, and for being THAT much more merciful and understanding.

I am strengthened and encouraged by you.

-DK

God is always with us.

Prepare for a very elementary reminder. Almost childish.

God is always with us.

Whenever we eat all those burgers and get fat. (He doesn't run from us in disgust!)
Whenever we decide to go to watch a movie that we shouldn't watch. I tend to think, hey Holy spirit, stay right there, I'll come back for you after this movie because you're too holy.
Whenever I'm driving.
Whenever I'm jealous.
Whenever I'm falling asleep in my genetics class.
Whenever I'm sinning.

Always with us. We ask why He's not there. But He is. In the good times, and the bad times. Whenever we go into a feel good movie and ask "God do you want some popcorn?" and when we deceive ourselves in thinking that for a moment... He's not there, and that it's OK to sin. To fail.

(Thank the radio and traffic going home from USC for reminding me of this).

Thank you, oh Lord, if you're reading this. You are awesome. And if it's true (and it is true) that you were here whenever I missed my girlfriend who lives thousands of miles away, when I was lonely, when I had raging hormones, and when I nearly suffocated in my own problems, when I was lonely (yes, I said it twice).... I love You. I pray that you just... help me understand how deep my love for You can go, day by day, and that You help me act accordingly.

-Your Humble and clueless child, DK

Joy of my joy

Blind people see much better..

He is my exceeding joy.

Helloo.

It's been rough! But it's been good. Be back soon.

-DK

Note to self.

Today I woke up feeling good - I had the strength and mental stamina to take care of what I needed.
As I dropped off Diego to school, I played some piano tracks from Uematsu Nobuo (which made Diego totally knock out in the car, leaving his mouth gaping during the whole car ride to La Canada High School), and thought about these few moments when God gives me the strength to be so peaceful, even in the midst of all troubles and severe imperfections pertaining to one's life. I prayed:

"God I want to thank you first and foremost for this peace. When I do have the strength and feel that I can take care of myself, please don't let me forget to thank you. Days like these, I want to take time from my day to seek Your Heart. *Thinks of King David* Whether it be scripture reading, listening to an online sermon (www.desiringgod.org, www.resolved.org), praying, meditating, etc. I know I won't be able to do this everyday because I'm human, but in these few precious moments... please use it." --> something like that.

I decided that I felt like this today because I woke up content - content loving myself, even though I know myself best.. my innermost strengths (few), and flaws (many).

The world will go on, I said. Just like how H.O.N. games will always be won, and lost by mature/immature adults and children alike, people and the world will move on. God's grace will abound. He will save people from the pits. People will do what they must to survive in his/her respective schools and jobs. So it's OK that I am, at many times, weak. It's OK that I can't make everyone happy. If I realize that at many times I need all the energy I have to help myself, it's OK. God doesn't NEED me to do anything. People shouldn't depend on me. These thoughts shouldn't evoke feelings of fear, sadness, or even frustration. Peace is what came to my mind. That things AROUND me will be just fine, that I can be CONTENT loving myself (not to the point of arrogance or pride), and see my day not as some epic quest to conquer, nor a gigantic heavyweight task, but rather take it as what it is.... a day :)

Let's get some work done.

-DK over and out.

**HON is a computer game :P 'nuff said.

Checkpoint... and thoughts.

Today during church, the pastor preached on a verse from Genesis. This is a new and small church that I've been attending with my family. Most of the youth group consists of middle school kids, with a small mix of elementary, high school, and college students bunched up in one room. We worship together and we listen to the same sermon together. The way we all interpret what happens in the Y.G. room is obvious. Some, like my brother, Diego, have a hard time staying awake. Older kids such as myself are deeply immersed in the sermon, while it's clear that others simply don't care. In the midst of this craziness, however, it IS great to see the youngest kid, named Joshua, paying full attention to the sermon. Small things here and there make it all worthwhile :)

This post is dedicated to my mental exploration during the sermon. Thoughts were racing in my head as I was learning, and I decided to write these thoughts out vigorously as Abraham, the pastor, spoke. It's going to be a blog sharing the thoughts that went in my head to help you, my close friends, understand my hectic train of thought these days. I'd say that it would be an accurate sample of a saturated/homogenous mixture of thoughts from a chemistry beaker. It's written in the original form, so it's broken up, but the fluff is gone. Point to point. I transition back and forth from my own thoughts to the points I'm learning from the sermon. It's also a means of better reminding myself even when I'm in school. After all, this blog is dedicated for my reflections, ultimately for myself.

Start:

"God uses famine. Uses material need and lack to make us do things we normally would not. Not always a peachy road. Hardships will get you there.

Excuses are excuses. They don't change the fact that you failed to do something. Be prepared. You will try using excuses. But what if I recognize this fact and refuse to excuse myself, blaming myself 100% for it? It drives me crazy. I can comfort people, say that it's OK and say that there are some things that need to be changed. But me... I refuse to use excuses anymore. If I fail? I fail. I have lost the ability to excuse myself into/from/out of #@$!.

[The new word is motivate]. All I have is to motivate myself to get back up and move forward. That's what God is teaching me right now.

It's true that God uses the evil ways of men for His glory. That's not to excuse man's evil. It just shows that God is greater than any man's evil.

Every guilty conscience sees penalties in actions. A sundial of the soul. It gives some sense of direction in the daytime, but at night time it is useless. In darkness it is useless. We can shine a flashlight to make it read whatever time we want. We need God's light for a reliable sense of time. Direction. [Do you follow in real time?].

I'm in a place with children. Learning about God. Seeing things that they don't understand. Watching them fall asleep. But I need it. God uses even moments such as these to teach me. Never be too "mature" for anything. In God's eyes, you are a stupid little adorable baby. He can use anything in your life to teach you and give you what you NEED. Does this give us all a sense of purpose? Yes. But let's not limit God's power to such level of thought. It's too manly [...human]. Just as how we are limited by the darkness [in the sundial example] when it comes to telling time, we are also limited when compared to the Glory of God, but even more so. How much greater is the depth of God than the piercing emptiness of often overwhelming darkness? The effect of God is interpreted [by the world] in so many ways... the visible. It appears and probably is correct that God gives us men sense of purpose to move on. We interpret what we see and people do, but it's impossible to clearly see God's heart and His will for us. Therefore, seek not the EFFECTS of Christ, but see His heart.

I am just brushing the surface of this sermon. It's all too easy to say that I am ok now. It's all too easy to turn around and lurk in rotting darkness with nothing but a whiff of Glory. It must continue to immerse not in myself, but in Him. Will it fix my problems? Who the hell knows. but I do know I'm a little more grounded now. I feel solid earth. Comfort? You can say that it's the effect of church - comfort, but again that's only man's limitation to understand all of it. Man... shaky as ever.

We will be tested on the same things over and over again by God, which is a good reason to do well on the first time we take the test. [Too bad that's not always the case."

End.

Before writing this, I read some blogs. It appears that everyone is having a really hard time. Beyond anything we have ever faced. Truly mind-boggling changes for us all. Take heart.. you are not alone. I am not alone. We're in this together. In Him. Thought I can't say much for myself, I can say that God's love will help us overcome mountains of obstacles.

-DK over and out.

Weakness and the Ocean's might.

Imagine an ocean. Beautiful weather. Freeze frame, zoom out a thousand miles and see everything from the sky to the black ocean 2000 miles under. Imagine me in the middle of the ocean. Imagine me, chained to boulders. I've been desperately trying to swim upwards, but as each day passes by, my surroundings get darker. My strength wanes. I'm sinking. I'm done swimming.

The only way to live... to survive... to break off these chains. Swim to the open air, breathe. Live.

-DK, over and out.